Breakdown of NYC Bachelors

From my experience, the NYC dating climate is vast though unforgivable predictable at times. The 26 dates I’ve been on in the last 34 days have all fit into one of the general categories reflected on the chart. See below for sample size details.

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Workaholics 
Synonym: Alphas, Type A, Control Freak
While drive and ambition are turn-ons, dating these 24/7, probably Adderall-addicted overachievers can be a full-time job.  Ranging from the tech startup co-founder to the corporate climber, a meaningful relationship with this one won’t happen easily considering love requires what he’ll never have enough of – time.
First Date: His client’s open bar mixer in Midtown

Basic Bro
Synonyms: Frat Bros, FiDi Guys, Suits
The ‘basics’ of the bro world. Budlight is their pumpkin spice. Bonobo suits are their ugg boots. Most likely to be found making sexual innuendos whilst drinking overpriced bottles at the VIP table. Call me crazy, but these guys could potentially be fun once they hit 35 and calm the hell down, but not a second sooner.
First date: Happy hour followed by dinner at a Meatpacking District club disguised as a restaurant. (i.e. STK, Gaansevort, Highline Ballroom)

Scrubs / Creeps
Synonym: Buster, Hipster, Male Model
Refer to the lyrics of both TLC songs by the same title. Broke, without job, without car but somehow skirting by as a self-sufficient human to the uneducated eye. Note that all bills are in his mama’s name and your dates are suspiciously artsy – i.e. art gallery openings (free wine), vintage fairs (free to look and never take credit cards), walks in the park…
First Date: Open Mic Night Stand-up comedy in Greenwich Village. Free, obvi.

Friend Zone
Synonym: Platonic Pal, Fallback Plan, Mr. Nice Guy
Fun, sensitive and in touch with his femininity…Just no desire for him to touch my femininity, like at all. But, lets brunch? Typically don’t know they’ve been zoned until the inevitable “Can I ask your guy advice?” moment. Some run, some hide but most allow you to confide with hopes of getting lucky after too much rye some fateful night.
First Date: Massage in Tribeca before mani-pedis

Clingers
Synonym: Psyco hose beast, Stalker, Delusional dudes
These poor, unfortunate souls literally hear what their desperation allows them to hear. Can easily spot by the length and frequency of their text messages, but not as easy to spot in person until..well..you spot them everywhere you are..behind you..next to you on the train…hiding in your shower…
First Date: To meet his mother at Sunday’s family dinner

Marry me?
Synonym: Prince Charming, Soulmate, Dream Lover
You weren’t expecting this one. You show up and he’s actually taller than his photos, more handsome and has all the swag of Justin Trudeau. Oh no! He’s also hilarious. *Gulps whiskey* Balanced conversationalist. Intelligent questions- a refreshing deviation from the standard interview. He’ll get the second round too? Do.not.mess.this.up. Nerves are building. *Gulp* Crap, what did I just say? Why did I say that! *Gulp* He’s totally at a place in life to settle down. I can do this. I can do this. *Gulp* Ok, just one more drink, we’re having a great time. Whats his last name again? Oh yeah, totally rolls off the tongue. I wonder what he can do with that tongue *Gulp*…Helping me with your jacket, what a gentleman! Aw! and he ordered me an uber!? Oh…because I’m “too” drunk. Waking up from your dream date with a wicked hangover may be a sign you’re not getting a second date. Note that Cinderella left before the party was over and so should you on the first date with Prince Charming. Although, let’s be honest, she’d probably had a few because the girl was getting stumbly and losing shoes. Anyway, saddle up on your own white horse, hydrate, and ride into your own sunset of self forgiveness.First Date: Upscale Noir Flatiron lounge for rare find whiskeys

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