Acquired Taste

We may not all have types but we sure have tastes. Luckily there seems to be a dating app specified for each flavor of dater. When it comes down to it, I just don’t have time to be on every dating app, every day.

So, I’ve narrowed it down and as I understand it, the breakdown goes:

Tinder: The wild, wild west of swipe right, swipe left. The OG of fast dating apps. Although Tinder’s reputation has shifted to more of a ‘DickPics and Chill’ crowd, the great thing about Tinder is it’s still the most widely used dating platform out there. Girls and boys looking for spouses, sugar daddies or snuggle buddies are on Tinder. So is the creepy IT guy with a photo of his wanker locked and loaded for the first phone number he hacks. I was an early adopter of Tinder. We’re talking beta, bitties. It was cool! Dudes nearby that wanted to take me out for a drink. Too easy. Now, I have to say its mostly neck tattoos and fake news.

Hinge: Hooks you up with friends of friends, like that loans any credibility to a potential suitor’s level of crazy. Plenty of my friends I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemies, but I digress. The beauty and curse of this app is that some way, somehow, you’re connected through a friend. This means a) there is always something to kick off the first date conversation and b) if it ends poorly, your friends will hear every nasty detail of it. My few hinge dates were not bad! Until one too many man-THOTs made post-date plays at my morality and all the sudden I was damned if I did, damned if I didn’t. Of course, everyone in my various social groups had to take sides. I’d like to leave my friends out of my dating life moving forward…unless I’m complaining and overanalyzing, in which case they better be involved. Or unless you’re that friend that I have crazy sexual chemistry with and you lean in for a kiss…just saying.

Bumble: Ladies choice. With girls in the driver’s seat, this app doesn’t discriminate between alpha females and bashful wallflowers. The creep denominator is way lower but not totally alleviated. I actually went all out and paid for Bumble, briefly. Since it’s all about the girls making the first move, I feel like the guys are just lazy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Charlotte but there is something to be said for the girl that must make the first move. I will say, Bumble definitely pulled a more ‘serious relationship’ type guy than the previous 2. These guys were sweet, respectful and yet, totally available. Maybe I’m being too critical, but I want to be chased.

The League: The picky girl’s paradise. I promise this won’t become an elitist manifesto but of all the apps, this is the one I use most. There is something to be said for high standards bringing together a potential power couple. While they’ve caught a lot of heat for their exclusive model, I can say first-hand The League is not fuckboi free. Some of the guys are stuck up or sincerely too busy to cultivate something real. Either way, it’s nice being in the company of someone that’s been through a round of vetting before meeting you. A word to the wise: Be very careful who you take home from this app…they may end up your future boss.

OKCupid: I no longer participate in this make-out meet-up phenomena, but while it lasted, it was fun for attracting emo boys and tech start-up types.

Match.com: I once participated in a commercial for match.com, which was followed by one of the worst dates of my life from the platform. Delete.

eHarmony: I am a millennial. I have never had an eHarmony profile, but hey, no judgment.

For the most part, I try to balance my dating life between apps and IRL ‘meet cutes’ but as a busy, working girl that requires a healthy dose of “me time” to stay sane, I’m depending heavily on my swipe finger to put something heavy on my ring finger.

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